Topic: Coaching The Highly Sensitive Personality
The purpose of this essay is to introduce the topic of highly sensitive, intuitive, introverted personality types and will briefly discuss the characteristics of these types, identify their values, their individual needs and the careers and vocations these people usually occupy. Then go on to examine the particular characteristics of highly sensitive people in light of the coaching experience.
The Swiss psychiatrist C a r l G u s t a v J u n g born J u l y 2 6 , 1 8 7 5 w a s t h e f o u n d e r o f deep psychology, he was the first influential thinker in the last century to introduce the concept of introverted and extroverted personality types. He describes the attitude of the introverted personality as an abstracting one; the introverted personality he maintained withdraws their attention from the outside world in order to avoid the world taking control of them. The extraverted personality type in contrast has a positive relationship to the outer world, seeing it as important and a valuable reference point, which gives them important feedback, which they use to become more aware of themselves.
Introverts are shy, reserved and somewhat inscrutable people who form the strongest contrast to the open, sociable, happy, friendly and approachable extraverted personality types. Although each individual does possess both characteristics, introverted and extraverted, it is human nature for one personality type to denigrate the characteristics of the other, regarding the opposite characteristic as far less favourable than their own. In our western culture the extraverted personality type is the most prevalent and the most culturally dominate type.
Elaine N. Aron PH.D. in her book The Highly Sensitive Person published by Element 1999, describes this introverted personality type in greater detail and attributes this characteristic to between 15-20 % of the population. Her studies have shown this type, which she titles, the Highly Sensitive Person, suffers from over arousal of their nervous systems. This arousal manifests in various individuals in a variety of ways, including sensitivity to noise, light, chemicals and certain foods, environments and activities, too much information can overwhelm them, and other people’s stress affects them adversely. Vision, hearing and all the other senses function differently, and information is processed in a more detailed and more profound manner than in more extraverted types, this can be an extreme and very painful experience for the sensitive person.
She points out that having this trait is not regarded as ideal by our culture and as a consequence many highly sensitive people can suffer from low self-esteem and regard their innate characteristics as flaws within their personality structure. This happens when they mistakenly compare their characteristics to those of the majority of extraverted people in the population. As coaches it is important to be aware of this demographic and the characteristic consequences for sensitive people. Coaches need to re-educate clients when this is the case as it common that until they become better educated about their particular personality make up they will continue to suffer from low self worth.
Psychologist have noted that extraverts are more easily able to establish successful attachment experiences with their primary care givers when young, as they naturally seek out the object of their survival and satisfaction. While sensitive introverted children can struggle to make satisfactory attachment due to their innate sensory experiencing of powerful impressions. An overwhelm of sensory fall out from too many disturbing experiences can significantly hinder the introverted child’s maturation.
Jung too pointed to this and noted that introverted and intuitive types often have extreme difficulties as children because of their sensitivities. The highly sensitive young child can not be protected from or protect themselves against or even cognitively understand why they are overwhelmed, avoidant and reserved when in the company of others or their care givers. They recoil internally when their senses are overloaded rather than reach out for comfort from their parent or care giver. Extraverted children who understand that their care gives are the natural source of their comfort and survival can so easily do this.
The highly sensitive person from a traumatic, troubled and sometimes abandoned childhood has a hard road to travel into adult years and many suffer from various types of abuse because of this lack of ability to protection themselves in childhood.
As adults this can develop into internalised unconscious assumptions about themselves, along with a tendency to hide their real personalities. As they can experience themselves as flawed, odd or even abnormal, hiding their unique characteristics is a strategy used to not stand out from others and or be noticed. This incorrect strategy is an effort to find acceptance from the wider world around them by blending in rather than taking a stand for their difference.
The career choices of sensitive people usually include vocations in which they can use their skills and values to advantage, these can include social activism, social justice and environmental concerns. They are readily able to apply themselves to areas that are dedicated to improve human and environmental conditions. If they are artistically inclined and many are, they have a keen desire to create and manifest their particular vision of the world through their capacities and artistic expressions.
The more reserved intellectual type will be found doing research and are capable of long hours of study and focus when in the right environment to do so. Doctors, healers, and alternate therapy practitioners often have this sensibility, as do people who work in the areas of care and care giving, to the elderly, children, the dying and the disabled and mentally ill. They find caring comes naturally and they have a unique ability to serve those with special needs selflessly. They can also communicate more easily with someone who needs understanding as they are naturally receptive and empathetic.
Sensitive people are usually the pioneers on many fields in life. They dare to do new things (many inventors and explorers are sensitive) and they have a deeper connection with the arts and cultural endeavours, for example they are touched easily by a piece of music, a movie or a theatrical play and will reflect on the meaning or resonance of a piece of artistic experience long after it is over. They are naturally open to what is new and cutting edge and they are keen to take on new ideas, they are not afraid of innovating or to experiment when they can do it in a safe learning environment or privately.
As coaching is a self-learning, self-paced and experiential activity it can easily be adapted to the needs of sensitive people. A coach who is aware of the highly sensitive persons sensibilities can help sensitive people to understand their unique characteristics and guide them to a greater awareness of who are they, thus helping them to release many of the false assumptions they have accumulated about their self worth when comparing themselves against dominate cultural norms.
As in all coaching relationships the regard the coach has for their client and the attitudes held by the coach will oversee and shape the whole coaching process. Particular things need to be kept in mind when coaching highly sensitive people – as with all coaching clients. It is important to keep in mind all the standard criteria such as, the client being naturally creative, resourceful, and whole, rather than viewing a sensitive client as a person with problems who needs an expert to help them to resolve issues.
Some of the benefits a coach can impart are in the area of helping the sensitive client to change their habitual way of thinking, turning it from defensive, guarded or aggressive into a fuller self awareness, acceptance and positive recognition and appreciation for their own traits. Then further coaching into the area of the creative enjoyment and open sharing with others of these unique gifts and world perspectives.
Coaching the client to understand the need for, the importance of and coaching them in implementing, great self-care strategies will be a major part of supportive coaching for the sensitive client. As over stimulation for the highly sensitive means over arousal and often exhaustion, helping them to understand how to look after their unique nervous system is essential. How to monitor and self regulate the amount of stimulation they receive on a daily basis and how to create effective boundaries in their lives is paramount.
Accepting that there is a greater need for relaxation in their lives than others around them need, and that means relaxation periods, taking time alone, staying in low light, being quiet, staying away from stressful stimuli, doing such things as winding down in the evening hours, doing a regular physical activity like yoga or quiet martial arts or swimming, all these will benefit the highly sensitive person greatly, helping them to handle the highly stimulating daily demands of our outgoing society.
Coaching them to create simple organic ways of organising their lives, trusting their own innate intuitive systems rather than doubting and denying the power of these self created structures will enable the sensitive client to thrive and feel more comfortable in their self claimed environments. Their self devised and self claimed systems are usually much better anyway, the task for them is to believe in them, implement them and own them, after years of trying to make other peoples systems fit their lives, this can be a challenge.
To realize and accept that sometimes a sensitive person can finish a job in a few minutes using a different procedure than what they have been instructed to use, and the rest of the time they can feel guilty that others are still working. These are some of the peculiarities of this group.
Coaching them to discover their hidden and often obvious (to others) talents and how to use them for themselves and for the benefit of those around them, also for making the world a better place (something that the sensitives love to do) will be on the agenda for a coach working with this client group.
Coaches need to be aware that shyness, reticence and reluctance to stand out or to take credit are common traits of sensitives. It may take a sensitive client time to learn how to acknowledge themselves for things done well, as this is a normal way of being for these capable diligent people. They may also react adversely to acknowledgment initially and coaches need to take the time to explain why acknowledgment is given in coaching thus enabling the client to become familiar with this tool and apply the benefits to their own life.
Sensory acuity is a characteristic of this personality type and coaches will find clients who are very a-tuned to the thoughts, attitudes, actions, and nuances of those around them. Due to this fine-tuning and the natural propensity to process this information more deeply they are going to dwell longer on the meaning of criticism, rejection, betrayals, losses and deaths than extraverts do. This can be an area in which coaches can instil a greater sense of balance in regard to their sometimes-negative self-evaluation.
Prophetic vision can be another unnerving characteristic of sensitives for coaches who are not familiar with these traits. Coaching them to develop their special gifts, such as superb intuition, telepathy, empathic communication, deep understanding, healing abilities, love for teaching, sharing and guiding, also spreading ideas, communicating to others important social ideas, generating community activism when they are inspired, will be an important part of the coaching process. Gifts that other people sometimes need to spend much time and application to gain or learn are innate within this group.
Sensitive people need different ways to assimilate ideas, as ideas can easily overwhelm them. Coaches need to adjust their coaching style to meet the sensitive client’s sensibilities. Firstly they may need to go away and think about new ideas rather than be place under the strain of being asked to accept them instantly. Create a safe coaching space in which they can ponder and practise first, rather than expect them to immediately and enthusiastically take up a new idea. To support this uptake of new ideas, direct learning tasks need to be given as homework, so the shy client can practice a new skill at their own pace or test a new idea, slowly and deliberately.
These people commonly falter when in a performance situation not because they are unable to do a task but rather due to the extreme self-consciousness they feel when they are being watched, evaluated or assessed. When facing and managing change smaller steps are preferable and time needs to be given away from any high anxiety situations in which the sensitive client can practice the new skill safely.
In summary all coaching requires the coach and the client to together design a unique working relationship tailored to the client’s specific needs. Highly sensitive clients have particular needs that require the coach to adapt and respond with sensitivity themselves to the circumstances of the client and a stand often needs to be taken by the coach, that asks the client to look with different eyes at their own unique sensibilities, coaches will need to dig deep into their own value system to do this.
The information a coach can impart to a person who does not know they are highly sensitive can be life changing and can completely rearrange the clients internal landscape for the better. Coaching them to respect and nurture themselves by reminding them through skillful coaching that they are sensitive and not weak, as they previously thought, will be liberating for them and fulfilling for the aware coach.
References
The Portable Jung
Edited by Joseph Campbell
Published by Penguin Books
The Highly Sensitive Person
Elaine N. Aron
Published by Element Books
Boundaries and Relationships
Charles L. Whitfield, MD.
Published by Health Communications, Inc.
Mastering the Art of Self Renewal
Frederic M. Hudson
Published by John Wiley and Sons.
Excellent essay, Julie-Anne. This enhances my studies on left brain/ right brain thinking, and inspires me to learn more on the topic of sensitivity. Thank you for sharing.